....and abusive relationships? I've had my experience as well as some of you, and I do not understand why we allow ourselves to get into these situations and many times stay entirely too long and become so scarred and hurt.

My daughter is still harassed by the bum in Texas--but she allows it to continue. She will make one excuse after another until finally I don't ask any more, and she doesn't volunteer information. Sometimes, not knowing is better.

My girlfriend's daughter has been in a terrible relationship for about three years now. She has a daughter who will be two November 23. The abuse finally culminated this past weekend with Jenny receiving 53 stitches while her significant other, his mistress, and his brother laughed at the amount of blood pouring from her wounds. She got out of the apartment, called a friend who took her to the emergency room then called her mother. I guess she was afraid of what her mother would do if she were in the same room with the idiots. She is now unable to work and was fluctuating about whether or not to press charges. She did finally have him arrested, but I am not certain that she will not eventually drop the charges. Crazy!

I taught Jenny three different classes in high school and have been friends with her mom for many years. I have watched Jenny grow up and feel more like a relative than merely a friend. I want to do something to help her, but in this situation she is the only one to make the decision to help herself. I feel that when the stitches are all healed, she will return to the abuse, and that breaks my heart.

We women many times think that we deserve abusive behavior from our men. Why is that? Why do we empower them? Do we not want to admit defeat? Are we afraid of being alone? I guess that there are just too many psychological issues for a simple answer.

Comments:

And, Angie, you're gone?

Angie??

i was in a abusive relationship for 16 years. all mental no physical. first my excuse was the kids. then being alone. then money. i thought i could never make it on my own. well finally enough was enough and i was out to prove i could do it on my own and i did. there is alot of help out there. ya know what upsets me is the people that have never been abused and think they have the best advise for you. my thing is people say just walk away. sometimes it is just as easy as that.

some women think they deserve the abuse but hey not some think they cant get away they can ive never been in that situation but if i was id go i know that it must be even harder for you knowing what your daughter is going through i would be worried sick to if it was mine id try move heaven and earth to get her sorted out but then again its up to the woman all you can do angie is be there to pick up the pieces for her

take care hope to see you soon
love cath

Angie, my dear, where are you? I'm getting worried!

Angie, this is a hard post to answer. It makes me sad that so many women go through such hard times. I will go to another post to leave a response.

BTW, where are you? It says you've been gone 13 days... well, I guess I shouldn't say anything because I've been gone, too.

I don't get it, but I totally sympathize. I can't expect to know what goes through someones head when they tolerate abuse. I've never had to experience this myself and at this age, never would allow it. (My husband told me to shut up, just ONCE in our marriage together and I cried... He has never spoken harshly to me since.) Hopefully I have shown my girls (and my son) how you treat someone and speak to them when you love somebody.
Hugs and best wishes

comment by hayduke on Oct 28, 2008 10:10 AM ()

oops, I responded to your comment above. Sorry

reply by thestephymore on Oct 29, 2008 9:27 AM ()

Sad commentary on humans, Chapter 7.

I firmly believe that women have low self esteem to the extent that they do not believe they deserve better. Sad but true. I'm 35, never married, and happy. Men STILL ask me why I'm single, as if I've got some horrible disease. I answer,"Forever is a really long time to spend with someone I don't adore."

comment by nikilovestoeat on Oct 22, 2008 4:17 PM ()

reply by kristilyn3 on Oct 29, 2008 12:12 PM ()

very sad and horrible

I'm not sure Angie. But this line from an Ani song came to mind when I started reading, "She never really expected more. That's just not the way we are raised."

I counselled for a year in a batterd Womens shelter. I don't know how it happens that there is such a loss of self esteem that women think they deserve it. I have seen women who were locked in their homes during the day when their husbands were at work and who escaped by living under trailers in their yards until they could get away. Then, once away, some of them write to prisoners and start the whole abusive thing going again.

I hope leaves the charges in place and leaves the guy

that is a deep issue... it's weird where our minds go - like we can fix things or we are the only one's who could love them and don't want them to be lonely or alone because we do love them.
Complex for sure. I hope she leaves him forever. AWFUL!